Becoming my own client: 4 ways I coached myself into body acceptance

As a personal stylist and confidence coach, my favorite feedback that comes from clients–especially after a discovery call or an initial style consultation–is how safe I make them feel. It is the highest compliment, because of course it’s important to feel safe: exploring your style can be a vulnerable thing! 

I help women embody their next stage in life, whether it’s because of business evolution or personal evolution. And that kind of leveling up requires reflecting who they are on the inside and translating it to the outside. I recently went through my own personal evolution, and decided that I needed to treat myself like I would treat my styling clients.

Becoming my own client was really an exercise in self-coaching and styling myself like I would my regular clients. You would think that would be easy for me, being a personal stylist and confidence coach. But I was actually facing a lot of turmoil and mindset blocks as I watched my body change throughout the pandemic.

You can also learn more about this on my podcast, Dress to Manifest.

Coping with a changing body

Of course, it is natural for our bodies to change, especially as we all experience this collective trauma. Our movement is reduced, we’re going out less than we did before. My body has fluctuated in weight over the years, but this was the biggest change I had experienced since puberty.

There I am, experiencing what was essentially a second puberty, feeling frustrated that my clothes don’t fit anymore. I was making it mean something about me as a stylist. I really had to get out of my head about it, self-coach, and practice what I preach.

I realized that I had to give myself a break - I was going through this collective trauma with the world and my body helped me survive that. I realized that my body is beautiful and to be cherished and loved, and that gratitude was a saving grace when I felt unfamiliar with who I was seeing in the mirror.

When restrictions started to lift, I was glad to go back to some kind of normalcy and safely reunite with the people that I loved. But I still wasn’t really happy with how I looked in the mirror - I felt like I was getting reacquainted with my body. I had a lot of internal change too, so there was a lot to come to turns with.

Self-love through photoshoots

I decided to practice what I preach and booked myself a photoshoot. I had planned to do a big photoshoot anyway for my business, and I really wanted it to be a good opportunity to connect with all sides of myself: the businesswoman, the playful feminine, the dark and moody, and the spiritual side. I really wanted to showcase the power of transformation in myself that I usually help my clients with. I wanted to show my evolution from this past year.

Instead of telling myself that I would wait to do the photoshoot until I lost some weight, I decided to commit to practicing what I preach and just go for it, and celebrate myself as I am. I did not what to put conditions on my own joy, or fit into certain sized clothes. I would never tell a client to postpone their photoshoot until they lost weight, so I turned that energy inward and gave myself the unconditional love I deserve.

I managed to find an incredible brand photographer who completely vibed with what I was going for. She was so great at helping me set the intention for this photoshoot: self-love, divine feminine goddess energy, powerful but still soft. I had my shoot on the first day of Leo season - and anyone that knows me knows that I love astrology and I always harness that energy whenever I can.

Of course, there were a lot of nerves going into it. I had to do a lot of things to mentally prepare myself before the day of. These are actions steps I took to be happy in front of the camera - hopefully, they can help you feel better in your own skin, too.

4 ways to cope with your changing body:

1. Purge your closet.

   Put away anything that doesn’t fit anymore. When you open your closet every day, there is something that happens psychologically when you sort through the clothes that fit and those that don’t. If you’re constantly sifting through clothes that don’t fit or you don’t feel good in, ultimately it drains your energy and feel less excited about how you look. Having only viable options in your closet will transform how you feel about yourself.
   
   You don’t have to give away everything, especially if some pieces have sentimental value. You can always put those items in storage for in case you ever fluctuate back to that size again. But for anything else, consider options to lovingly give away those clothing items, whether you’re donating me, giving them to a friend or family member, or selling them.
   
   

2. Do affirmations and mirror work.

   I understand that sometimes writing something positive about yourself can be difficult if you feel the complete opposite. An approach that I’ve found helpful - especially from a body image perspective - is to use a lens of body neutrality and start by stating the things you’re grateful for.
   
   For example, some of the things I wrote were: “I love how my body allows me to dance freely,” “I love that my fingers allow me to express myself through music on the piano,” and even simply, “I am grateful for my hair.” its a great starting point to help you build up to a place when you can start saying kinder things.
   
   Mirror work was suggested to me by a previous coach of mine, and though it can be a little vulnerable, it is very effective. Look yourself in the mirror when you are naked or in your underwear, take note of those affirmations, and gently hug yourself. Holding space yourself like you would any other loved one in your life, and finding the beauty in yourself, is important in building self-love.
   
   

3. Invest in clothes that fit.

   I definitely took a while to come around to even one - even as a stylist, I am not impervious to the same struggles or mindset blocks anyone else goes through. There were so many clothes I didn’t want to part with, but once I purged my closet, I realized that so much of my closet didn’t make me feel good anymore and I needed to fill in the gaps.
   
   And let me tell you, once I bought a pair of jeans that fit me perfectly, I felt beautiful and loved what I saw in the mirror. Even though my body looked different to what I was used to, it still looked good! And that’s the thing - when we force ourselves to wear things that don’t fit, or shame ourselves to fit into them, that’s what undermines our confidence.
   
   Fit is everything - once you wear something the right size, and it lays on your body the way it should, you will look amazing. You are not meant to fit into the clothes, they are meant to fit you. And when that realization hits, it will transform your mindset.
   
   

4. Let go of past expectations of yourself.

   I know that is easier said than done, and often we compare ourselves with people around us. But we also need to stop comparing ourselves to past versions of ourselves too. We cannot expect our bodies to look or function the way they used to. Our bodies change as we age, and they change according to our lifestyles too, but it doesn’t make us any less worthy or beautiful.
   
   I know it can be hard looking at past photos of yourself, or giving away a piece of clothing that you once felt great in but doesn’t fit anymore. But what I want to offer: think about who you were in that time of your life. For example, in some photos of myself when I was skinner, I wasn’t necessarily happy. I had a lot of internal struggles, and even though I looked great, I still struggled with how I looked. Nowadays, on the other side of healing, my body may be different but the internal wisdom and happiness I’ve gained is the real glow-up.
   
   

Loving yourself into body acceptance

Where you are at now is enough, so don’t put conditions on loving yourself as you are now. Think of your higher self - would she be speaking to herself as you are now? No - she would be embracing where she’s at now, finding the beauty in every stage and every phase of her evolution. You can wear whatever the hell you want, as long as it makes you happy. 

I hope these tips taken from my own experience of being my own client help you if you’re also going through a period of body image issues. This is something a lot of women go through, and I felt it was important to share that even though I am a personal stylist, I am not immune to these feelings. So long as you provide yourself with love and compassion, you will get through this.